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If you are feeling
suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will take less than five
minutes. . I am not a therapist or other mental health professional - only
someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.
I dont know who
you are, or why you are reading this page. I only know that for the moment, you
are reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here because you
are troubled and considering ending your life. If it were possible, I would
prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to
face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make
do with this.
I myself have considered ending it all and I
have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I have some
small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you might not be up to
reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together
here for the next few minutes, I have five simple, practical things I would
like to share with you. I wont argue with you about whether you should
kill yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty
bad.
Well, youre still reading, and
thats very good. Id like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of
this page. I hope it means that youre at least a tiny bit unsure,
somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life.
Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure
about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this
minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you
want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So
lets hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.
Start by considering this
statement:
Suicide is
not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with
pain.
Thats all its about. You are not a bad
person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It
doesnt even mean that you really want to die - it only means that
you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights
on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no
matter how much you want to remain standing. (Thats why its useless
for someone to say to you, cheer up! - of course you would, if you
could.)
Dont accept it if someone tells you,
thats not enough to be suicidal about". There are many kinds of
pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ
from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be
bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what
kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity
to withstand pain.
When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal
feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect
of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus
coping resources.
You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two
things: (1) find a way to reduce your
pain, or (2) find a
way to increase your coping resources. Both are
possible.
Now I want to share with you
six things to think about.
| 1 |
The first thing you
need to hear is that people do get through this -- even people who feel
as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance
that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense
of hope. |
| 2 |
The next thing I want
to suggest to you is to give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, I
will wait 24 hours before I do anything. Or a week. Remember that
feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel
like killing yourself, doesnt mean that you have to actually do it
right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and
suicidal action. Even if its just 24 hours. You have already done it for
5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by
continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel
suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging
to me, and I hope it is to you. |
| 3 |
The third thing is
this: people often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain.
Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to
feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are
dead. |
| 4 |
The fourth thing is
this: some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either
because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain
instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing
thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about
their fears, not about you.
But there are
people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge
you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of
how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use
your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone whats going on with you. It
is okay to ask for help. Try
The Samaritans by phone or e-mail worldwide,
or look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line), call a
psychotherapist, carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who
is likely to listen. But dont give yourself the additional burden of
trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you
are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional
coping resource you need to regain your balance. |
| 5 |
The last thing I want
you to know right now is this: Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves,
traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself.
Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available
both in your community and on the Internet and various online
services. |
| 6 |
This is the most important. GOD LOVES YOU VERY
MUCH. He knows your pain and
whether you believe it or not He cares about your pain. He also wants you to
know that you CAN KNOW that you are going to Heaven.
Click "HERE" to go
back and re-read the 1st page. Consider what it says. If you can honestly pray
the prayer on that page the best you know how, then on the authority of God's
Word. You will become His child. |
Well, its been a few
minutes and youre still with me. Im really glad.
Since you have made it this far, you deserve a
reward. I think you should reward yourself by giving yourself a gift. The gift
you will give yourself is a coping resource. Remember, back up near the top of
the page, I said that the idea is to make sure you have more coping resources
than you have pain. So lets give you another coping resource, or two, or
ten...! until they outnumber your sources of pain.
Now, while this page may have given you some small
relief, the best coping resource we can give you is another human being to talk
with. If you find someone who wants to listen, and tell them how you are
feeling and how you got to this point, you will have increased your coping
resources by one. Hopefully the first person you choose wont be the last.
There are a lot of people out there who really want to hear from you. Its
time to start looking around for one of them. |